Call Me Master
by
Anonymous (c) 1994 <6/26>

      Who made you the laborer for me? I quit work. I live off of the government. Thank you very much.
      Could I work? Yes. Do I choose to work? No. Can I live without working? Of course. You are my slave. You work to support me. Why should I work?
      I have a right to have a family and have them fed and have medical care for them. It was good of you to choose to support me in raising my family.
      You have given me an apartment, medical care, food, spending money, a telephone, cable TV, and a nice color TV. I am taking a course to learn the skills to flip burgers and when I complete it they will pay be for taking the course. I have a nice car in mind. Thank you. But you will never catch me being nice to a burger.
      You folks are being very good to me. But then I should not pretend to thank you. You are not doing it out of charity. You would never do this out of charity. It was the people I vote for who decided I should be the master and you should be the slave.
      Look at it from my point of view. If I, shall we say, cheat a little, they slap my wrist. If you refuse to pay for me, they take away everything you own and put you in jail. I can get away with murder. You can't do jack shit.
      If you don't like me you can write your Congressman. If I don't like you I get prime time coverage of my latest demand upon your income.
      I got mine, Jack.
      If you can't afford to take your family to the doctor, tough. I have Medicaid. If your family is hungry, up yours. I have food stamps. If you can't make the rent, tough noogies. The government pays my rent.
      I got mine, Jack.
      What am I going to do when my children are ready for college? They are at the top of the list for a free college education because I earn no income. I would hurt their chances were I to go to work. Thank you for paying for their college while you can not afford it for your children. You may call me, Master. You are lucky I don't whip you when my check arrives late.
      I am better than you. I have more civil rights than you and I do nothing for them. If I have a problem with the law I get help free. If you have a problem with a law, you go into debt for years, maybe bankrupt. And if I am lucky enough for you to injure me. I am in fat city and you are in real trouble. But if I injure you, you can't get blood from a turnip.
      Listen up, slave. Stay just the way you are. But I wish you would breed a little more. I need a guaranteed car.